If you plan to start dating a widow(er), you should be prepared for many obstacles, even if a person lost his/her spouse a long time ago. The issue is quite complicated as it touches upon people’s most innermost feelings.
We’ve prepared 10 tips for dating a widow or widower for you to take into account. Read and learn how to recognize potential problems and respond to them properly.
Always make sure there is a decent reason for him/her to date you
It’s normal to have certain preferences in choosing a partner, and it’s OK if you look like his late wife.
However, it is worth monitoring whether some bad signs appear. Does he/she really want to know you, or are you just a substitute for the late spouse? If he or she has recently died, it is more likely that your partner is simply not ready to move on and start a relationship with you.
Focus on creating new memories
Even if he/she is with you not because you remind him/her of the spouse, it may be difficult for you to date him or her if a person does not want to leave the comfort zone.
You can help your partner create new happy memories. It presupposes new activities in new places the person has never seen and tried. That will help a person to start a new life with a clean slate.
Do not be sad and angry if your relationship develops too slowly
You can be his/her first pursuit after the loss, so a person may not rush with the plunging into a new relationship. As it may hurt. If you really like a person, give him/her a little more time to overcome the pain and let him/her move at a comfortable pace.
Put up with the photos of the late spouse
When meeting with a widow(er), do not expect him to throw out his or her memories about a spouse simply because a new relationship starts.
Do not force a person to get rid of all objects reminding of the late spouse. Photos of the passed spouse should not be in the bedroom, but their presence in the house is quite normal.
Give a person time to introduce you to the family
Most likely, you will have to be patient when it comes to getting acquainted with the people close to him, especially children and relatives of the deceased spouse. A widow(er) ofter doesn’t rush to introduce a new partner to friends, especially if they were close to the deceased.
Do not make him/her speak about the late spouse
If a person decides to tell you about the pain, he/she felt when he/she lost his spouse, listen, and give support. However, he/she may not want to talk about it, even if you are in a close relationship. Do not push and insist, but show that you are ready to listen. Someday your beloved will be ready for the conversation.
Do not try too hard to help a person get over the death of a spouse
Even if a person talks about his grief and the pain he/she went through, remember that you want a romantic relationship. You are not his/her psychotherapist or member of a support group. Be patient if he/she talks about it, but don’t become a shoulder to cry on if he/she just misses the late love.
Think twice before start living together
If you have been dating for some time, the relationship becomes serious, and you begin to think about sharing housing. But you should not make a mistake and move to the house where a person lived with his spouse. If this is the only opportunity to live together, honestly discuss the fact that he/she will have to say goodbye to many familiar things to make this place your home.
Beware of comparison with the late spouse
If you feel that he/she constantly compares you and condemns you for not looking like his late spouse, then a person is not ready for a healthy relationship yet. Explain how you feel and ask a person not to compare you both. If he/she does not even try to be flexible, perhaps he/she is not the one you need.
Be patient with the children
If you have been dating for some time and know his/her friends, but still have not seen his/her children, be patient. It will take a lot of time before they can accept you, and there is absolutely no need to rush here.
As you see, it’s not so easy, a bit complicated, but love is always worth it, agree? So why not try a little?