The first date should end with hugs, the second with a passionate kiss, and the third with sex. Have you heard that nonsense? Probably, yes, and that’s why you are here, trying to figure things out.
Do I need to torment a man for three months, or can you give in to erotic desires on the very first rendezvous? When should we go to bed together so that a partner doesn’t think you’re frivolous and run away in the morning?
We decided to find out on what date you can sleep with a man so as not to ruin the romance.
How long to wait to have sex? Is there any REAL Rule?
The trick is that there is no universal date when a relationship goes from one stage to another. All the “rules” are in your head.
According to statistics, the average number of dates before sleeping together is the following:
- For men – 5 dates
- For women – 8 – 9 dates
By the way, men are 9 times more likely than women to be OK with having sex after the 1st date. How surprising!
Another fun fact, there are few pieces of research on the topic just because people have different views on what to call ‘a date’, which causes a lot of discrepancies.
Is the rule of 3 dates viable?
Pop culture gave us the idea that sex should be on the 3rd date. Take “Sex and the City” as an example. It was quite popular, although it is an artificially created ‘thing’ that does not take into account the desires of the partners at all.
People are different: someone needs to get to know a person well before going to bed, and someone is ready for sexual adventure right away. Some consider only serious relationships, and others do not make them a goal: let’s start and we’ll see how it goes.
So what will be the answer? You guess.
How long should you wait to have sex? How to decide
There are several questions to ask yourself. The answers will give you a clue.
1. What’s your aim in this relationship?
Casual sex, long-term partnership, or not yet decided?
- In the first case, everything is obvious: sex on the 1st date will cover your need. The main thing here is not to fall into your perception trap and be sure that you want just sex.
- If you want a long-term romance, then sex is usually not the basis on which it should be built. This is an important “addition” to which the couple is able to come by exploring each other while building the relationship.
- If you don’t know yet, you’re lying. There is always an answer inside us.
2. What image of yourself do you have in a relationship?
Perhaps you are serious, do not want intimacy right away, but at the same time behave overly sexy in order to hook your partner. Conflict inevitably arises within you because you cannot express yourself. The partner scans the external image and waits for the logical continuation of a date. As a result, you can agree to “netflix and chill” without much desire to match the created image.
Explore what you really want from the relationship, and try to keep up with your image and not confuse your partner.
3. If you agree to get intimate now, how will you feel?
Is there the slightest discomfort with this? If you feel tension, fear, insecurity, the time has not come yet. But if there is no embarrassment, only interest in a partner, why not.
4. If you are not ready yet, can you honestly tell your partner about it?
If not, this is a reason to analyze yourself, your ability to build personal boundaries, your emotional maturity. By agreeing to sex out of fear of rejection, you are betraying yourself. In this case, you will not be able to relax and enjoy the process. Therefore, you need to establish a relationship with yourself first.
5. How well do you know yourself, your own emotional traumas?
If everything is not very good with this, you can unconsciously compensate for some needs, such as love, attention, and admiration. It is then it’s very difficult to understand whether you really want intimacy with a person or are trying to soothe your mental pain with it.
6. Do you know how to independently cover your needs, including sex?
If you perceive your partner only as a way to achieve relaxation, then you are probably driven by an instant desire. But if you can satisfy yourself on your own and not consider it something wrong or dirty, then it will be easier for you to get to know the person and how compatible you are.
7.I case you have sex and the romance does not continue, will you regret this decision?
If the answer is yes, you don’t need to sleep with this person. This is a chance to analyze yourself and your perceptions, expectations and emotional trauma. If you are sure that you will not have regrets in any case, then do as you like.
Remember, sex is not a guarantee of a relationship; it is just one piece of the puzzle.
It doesn’t matter what date the couple has sex on. But it is much more important when both feel that they know each other well enough. For some, this can happen on the 3rd date, for others later. It all depends on specific people, their perceptions, desires and values. If both partners are self-sufficient, discuss their views and goals, are ready to show themselves as they are, then sex will become a new natural stage for them to study each other.
There is no surefire date that will make your relationship or sex perfect. What is really vital is your feelings, readiness for intimacy and expectations from it, or rather, the absence of excessive expectations.
According to statistics, the relationship in which the partners managed to get to know each other before the first sex is better and ber.
But it only shows the likelihood of this. If you feel that you are not ready, then it does not matter if it is the 3rd date, the eighth or the fiftieth. A completely bad reason for sex is to succumb to manipulation, persuasion, partner pressure. But if you were inflamed with passion already on the 1st date and are sure that after sex, you will not be ashamed or feel bad, that you will not be upset if the relationship ends with it, why not.
The main thing is to understand your feelings and desires and Do Whatever The Hell You Want!