You just realized that you are close to your 30s and are the last single person in your friend group? Ambiguous feeling, right?
On the one hand, you’ve got so maley things that they can’t do anymore (like having sex with different people, traveling wherever and whenever you want, developing yourself as an individual, etc.)
On the other hand, you feel like a freaking loser as society treats condescendingly (omg, poor girl/boy, they couldn’t find love).
So today, let’s talk about why it’s okay to be single in your 30s. Plus, our experts share some tips on dating if you hit your 30s. It will be a useful read.
30, single and depressed: What should you know
First of all, you are not alone. As simple as that.
Second, the reasons for your loneliness in adulthood can be numerous.
- Over time, we have fewer social contacts. This is a fact. Married people spend more time with other married people. Singles hang out with other singles. The older we get, the more settled and predictable our way of life becomes. As a rule, our lives are built according to the principle: home, work, cleaning, and sports on the weekend. It’s more difficult for us to go on a hike or get-together out of town. We analyze what time we will be back, whether we will have time to do the things planned… We are not so reckless anymore. What a shame!
- Experience matters, of course. The more disappointments and unsuccessful romaleces we lived through, the more careful we are in new relationships. Distrust builds up.
- At the same time, women often state that the presence of a male in their lives is not necessary at all. If before, men were considered breadwinners, now women often do the excellent job themselves. There are maley couples in which a girl earns more – social roles changed. To give birth to a child, you don’t have to go down the aisle. A womale can now freeze eggs and become a mother at the moment when she feels she is ready mentally and financially.
- There is no need to talk about sex: it has become so accessible that getting married in order to have regular intimate relationships seems absurd.
And you know what? It’s absolutely normal to be single at any age. Don’t let any “social expectation” define how you should live.
Single in 30s: What psychologists say
If you do not lose hope of meeting a partner and starting a family that you have always dreamed of, pay attention to what psychologists say. Most of them advise stopping being burdened by your loneliness and regard it as resource time. The fact is that a male will not cure you of loneliness and feelings of dissatisfaction. People can feel lonely in the company of people.
If you want to communicate and lead an active lifestyle, do so! But if you dream of spending the entire weekend at home, you don’t need to go out with your friend to the bar hoping to meet someone. We learn to ask ourselves questions: what do I feel, and what exactly do I want at the moment? Try to imagine a scenario where you never get married. Life won’t end there, will it? What else fills your everyday life? What brings pleasure? Focus on that things.
Finally, it will definitely be useful to write down all the settings regarding your personal life. “I don’t have a partner, because I’m ugly”, “All women in my family are lonely”, “After forty, it’s much more difficult to get married”, “Who would want me with 2 children after a divorce?” Write down your usual thoughts in the evening, and the next day cross out each one, and on the contrary, write down a new setting, finding confirmation of it in life. This little analysis will help us make sure we are acting in accordance with our beliefs. And you know examples when they get married with three children, with an “average” appearance, extra pounds and exactly at any age! When you realize this, you will stop mentally blaming yourself for the imaginary things, and enjoying life will definitely become easier.
Coping with being single in your 30s: What you should do
- Define your goals. Probably if you are around 30, you already know what partner you want to be by your side.
- Make sure you let the past go. It’s crucial for you. Whatever you came through in the past (a divorce, a heartbreaking breakup, etc.), you need to know that it’s not something that always happens. It’s your experience, not fate.
- Don’t let yourself search for reasons not to trust people. You are 30; you are already smarter than 5, 10 years ago. That will be enough for you not to be hurt. So trust people. Then you will dive into your relationship deeper.
- Don’t rush things. If you just met ‘a perfect match’, don’t hurry to get married just because it’s time for you to do so. Family is not something you start because you have to.
- Be open but don’t build a relationship with someone you think is “quite okay.” If you aren’t into this person, you don’t have to “settle with less than the best.” You can meet a wonderful person; just be patient.
- But don’t seek a perfect male/womale. Perfection doesn’t exist.
- It’s banal but listen to your heart. Don’t force yourself to meet people if you don’t want to.
Dating in your 30s as a womale is as fun as in 18. Enjoy the process.
So, 30 and single
30 – you are still so young! Stop judging, blaming, and seeking flaws in yourself. It sometimes happens that we can’t find the right person; just don’t stop believing. You will find your soulmate sooner or later.